i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
