he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
