It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
