I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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