You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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