I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
