but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
