He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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