I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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