Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
