Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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