remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
