I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
