He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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