Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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