tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
