Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
