It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
