My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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