cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize