Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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