if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
