I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
