The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
