So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
