either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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