Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
