its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
