idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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