If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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