He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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