I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
