OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
