no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
