I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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