I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
