I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
