i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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