I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
