I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
