Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
