Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
