So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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