Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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