i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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