I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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