I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
