Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
