Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
soo... how was my night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
