So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
