just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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