Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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