smell my finger.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
