i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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