Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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