he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
