I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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