i think my mom watched the whole time
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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