wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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