She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i dont even know how to be here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
