You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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