He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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