I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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