OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
