I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
