It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
