it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
