She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
