Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
