so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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