you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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