Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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