i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
