Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize