Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
