i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
