if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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