tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We left the knife in your bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
