i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
