Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
