I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
