i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
