Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
