Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
