quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
