it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
