Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
